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2003-05-01 - 11:41 p.m.

ASK NATALIE, PART THREE.

Q: Hey Natalie!

I have a question. What should you do when a friend gives you a CD, but when you get home, you look in the case, and there is no CD? Should you bomb their apartment? Organize a Rally against them? Or Email their girlfriends asking for advice? Also, if it helps you answer the question, the friend's name is your boyfriend, and the CD is a Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire CD.

Sincerely,

CDless East of Columbus

A: welly well well. seeing as you already e-mailed his girlfriend for advice, i will give you my advice. my advice is this. go see your friends more often. i bet if you did, you could stop over your friend’s boyfriend’s house and pick it up, seeing as he found the cd and felt real stupid about it. they probably all miss you anyway...

i love you, jordan. you are too too great.

Q: my boyfriend left this morning for two months (he's in the army). we have been dating for a good while now, and i’m so bummed out about a long-distance relationship. he has gone before, but it was closer, so he could visit some weekends. it's too far and costly for him to visit this time. how do i deal?

-missing my man

A: aww. that sucks, darling. and having been in a long-distance realtionship, i know how you feel.

two months isn’t too too long. i would suggest this: keep in touch with him as much as possible. write him. talk to him on the phone. do whatever you need to do that doesn’t involve you going broke. then, take up a new hobby. draw pictures, write stories, paint, knit, start working out, get an instrument and try to learn to play. also, go out with your friends a whole bunch. it will keep you from getting lonely.

keeping occupied has other benefits- when you talk to your boyfriend or when he comes back, you will have tons to talk about, and he will marvel at what an awesome, talented babe you are.

Q: Dear wonderful internet person,

I'm a college sophomore and my girlfriend is a high school senior, we started our relationship when I was a senior in high school.  She'll be coming to my college next year.  We had some problems and took a break for a while.  I was not in favor of doing this at all, but went along with it because she thought it would be for the best.  She gave all sorts of excuses for wanting to do so, some which hurt my feelings a lot.  In the end though, she told me it was because I had a problem with the big L word.  Its not that I don't believe in it or anything, I just think people say it a lot without feeling it.  I've had some bad experiences with saying and hearing it in the past, I thinks its kind of affected my outlook on life.  But she put such an emphasis on it that all I know from her is how good it is.  So we were on this lil break of ours for a while and she felt like shit and didn't sleep at all and everything.  But it put things into a better perspective for me.  For the first time I was single at college.  Not that I like that feeling, but it was different, and I just wanted some more of it really.  Also in this time I think I settled my differences with 'love.'  So she came to visit and we talked about all this and I told her all that and she said that I didn't care for her at all anymore.  I told her that wasn't true and that no matter what I would love her.  She taught me to, so I don't see how I couldn't.  But now we're back together but I don't know if I really want to be in a relationship at this time.  I love her, but now I'm struggling with being in love with her.  What do I do to show her that I care for her, but over the past two years we may have moved apart and I just realized it?

 Pedro

A: if you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. if you want out, the best and most caring thing you can do for her is get out. she obviously cares about you and wants to be with you, but nothing would sucks more than being with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. she’ll be real sad when you break up with her, but she’ll get over it. she’ll get over it and then find someone who absolutely wants to be with her, and it will be great and make her happy. its the most caring thing you could do.

Q: i'm a model for an internet porn site. what would be the best way to break this to my parents?

naked on the net

A: don’t. do not ever tell your parents. NEVER EVER EVER. they are not going to be happy about it at all, and what are the chances that they will come across your nudie pics? and if they do, you can say it is someone else. after all, why would their precious little baby be doing porno?

Q: Dear Natalie,

My mother will not get off my brother's back. He is a nice guy but still lives at home because he is going to school and he also hurt his leg pretty badly skateboarding. I go to school/ live in a different town. My mother for some reason seems to think she should micro- manage his life and that pisses him off. She reads his mail and digs around in his room, pretty much assuming that anything and everything in his car or room is some sort of drug paraphernalia. Then she calls me and whines about it. He does too. My mother complains that he won't "spend time" with her, but every time he's around she bitches at him about the way he is living his life. I say, if he wants to smoke, fine. If he wants to party all night, ok. As long as he isn't arrested and holds a job and goes to school, what does it matter? I think he needs to get a freakin' apartment already. Any thoughts?

~ Little Sis

A: you’re right. he is an adult, and he should be able to do his own thing. but your mom is a mom, and moms worry about their kids because they love them.

he is going to school, he has a job, so your mom really has nothing to complain about too much. next time your mom complains about things he does or things she thinks he is doing, point out to her all the things he is doing right. tell her how it makes him feel when she treats him like a little kid. it shouldn’t be your job to do this, but obviously he isn’t telling her these things.

meanwhile, your brother need to know that as long as he lives in your parents house, he is gonna be treated however your parents wanna treat him, and that is just tough cookies. like you said, he needs to get an apartment. somewhere he can leave his weed out in peace, or at least hide it somewhere nobody will find it. until he does, though, he is gonna be treated like a little kid, cause parents never realize you’re an adult until you are, like, 35. or married with kids. whichever comes first.

finally, you need to tell both of them that them putting you in the middle of their conflict stresses you out, and that they need to just sit down and talk to each other.

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