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2003-05-15 - 1:32 a.m.

ASK NATALIE

Q: i keep finding out that my boyfriend has been downloading porn from the internet. we have went through this several times in the past and the last time i told him that if i find out again, i am going to leave him because i can't handle it. i am a feminist and i think porn is totally wrong and he knows this. my outlook is that a man cannot look at porn and still respect women. i cannot stay with someone who keeps doing this and lying to me.

we have been together for about 3 1/2 years and we are getting married the end of september and i don't want to call if off....but, like i said, i can't handle this. should i just give it up and say that it's okay because all men do it and it's just a guy thing? any advice?

A: porn has such a bad rap. it lets people fantasize about something for as long as it takes to jerk off, then go about their day. it rakes in billions of dollars a year in revenue, and that is because TONS of people buy it, or download it, or rent it. even people who donít are bound to have seen a girlie mag at some point, or a little bit of a video at a party, or something.

i have yet to meet a guy who hasnít looked at porn at some point, or who isnít probably looking at porn right now.

as for the objectification of women thing... there is a reason the girls in porno look like that, and are doing those things. big tits, big lips, little waist, nice hips is just an over-exaggeration of what (westernized) guys are programmed to like. freakishly so. on top of that, they are enthusiastic about what they are doing, which, if you ask any dude, is the one thing that makes being with a girl enjoyable. enthusiasm is attractive. add to that the whole sex-bomb thing, and what guy wouldnít want to get some porn once in awhile?

but i like porn, so i am a little biased. and i realize whatever i say is not going to make you like porn.

i think the real issue here is that you have a problem with something he does. a serious problem. youíve talked to him about it, and he is disregarding it. that is your problem. not the porn thing. you need to ask him why he doesnít think you are serious about this issue, and why he thinks that he can just go behind your back. that is disrespectful. is it enough to leave him over? talk to him one more time about it, and if it happens again, yes.

Q: I enjoy eating dry kool aid....is there something wrong with me? I've eaten 2 of those big 8 quart things in 2 days...but they are TASTY.

-Sugar High

A: nah, dude. there is nothing wrong with you. eat what you like. just be careful it doesnít start making you sick. save it for special occasions.

Q: Hey Natalie

i am a 15 year old girl who canít get her mom to trust her anymore... Last summer I invited my best friend over for the weekend and things got a little out of control with alcohol...but the really REALLY dumb part was that we were drinking downstairs in my house and, needless to say, we got drunk. In the middle of the†night when we decided to go to bed my mom was waiting up stairs and said "Get to your room!" When i woke up my mom came into my room and yelled at me and my friend for god knows how long and told us that we where not allowed to see each other anymore. she and i go to different schools so we barely get to talk. My mom has sort of forgiven me but is still suspisious whenever i go out with my friends..I really donít want her to think i am this out of control teenager who drinks all the time (which i dont). I am turning 16 in June and really want independence. dont get me wrong, i love my mom, but when i am around her she just jumps to conclusions about me...I am really really really regretful about with i did and wish i could take it back.

A: you just need to wait it out. your mom will chill eventually. you canít take back what you did, so you will just have to deal with it until you mom thinks she can trust you. the thing is, you hurt her, and you canít take that back. now you just gotta be good until she thinks you deserve independence.

in the future, it is one thing to be a rebellious teenager, it is another thing to not do it well. you gotta be safe. drinking is not safe, especially for a 15 year old. find something better to do with your time. i may sound bitchy, but i think youíll thank me later.

Q: Hello!

†Natalie, I was just wondering if you could answer this question:†Why are people so stupid?? I've checked the water, that doesn't seem to be the culprit.

A: i think it is becaue some people just donít think about things and donít think about how they can make things better. its not so much stupidity as being really complacent, and not understanding people who arenít completely content with the way things are.

Q: natalie!

I have a little question. What are the best ways to overcome procrastination? Even as I type this I'm putting off working on a 12-page research paper with silly source requirements that make it so I'm going to have to go to the library and copy shit (inconvienent and costly) rather than just google it up and print stuff from the dorm computer (nice for lazy people like me with the added bonus that it doesn't cost anything). I've updated my xanga, cleaned my desk, changed my AIM profile a few times, visited friends, gone out, and even started laundry. It's becoming a bit of a problem, especially since the damn thing is worth 25% of my grade for the class, and it's due tomorrow at 5pm. I think I'll be able to manage this time, I just won't get to sleep until after 5pm tomorrow. I just need some additional pointers and tips/suggestions on how to get shit done, my school has a required thesis for graduation, and unless I decided to be a dance or stuido art major that involves a 50-140 page paper. I'm nervous already and I'm only a first year.

A: i think the best thing to do would be to plan your project out, and cut it into lttle tiny projects, and start doing them well in advance. that way, you can spend just a half hour working on something every day, and it is not a big deal if you blow it off for a night. also, you wonít be all stressed out when your deadlines approach.

Q: Hi Natalie,

I think I'm nice and funny and sometimes even clever..But I have but two friends in the world, and even one of those is questionable. My one true blue friend is my fiance. I have a million coworkers and acquaintances, but only those two friends. I long to have more friends. I feel that nobody is even vaguely interested in getting to know me; or if they are, they quickly become disinterested. I'm not a jerk to people, I smile and am kinda happy overall. I think I would be happier with more friends.

It's really gotten quite pathetic, and I'm slipping into depression. :(

A: aw... darling, listen. if people donít wanna hang out with you it is because they can not handle you. you are probably hilarious, and what i have learned is most people do not like a clever, wise-cracking lady. it scares them.

i know what this is like. i never had any friends for a really long time. you know why? cause i was doing my own thing and it, incidentally, wasnít anyone elseís thing. thatís fine.

you gotta look at it like this: you have two friends. one of whom is your best friend. a lot of people only have aquaintances. no real friends. no best friend. consider yourself lucky.

donít try to make yourself more palatable in order to make more friends. the people who donít want to be our friend because of some weird hangup they have wouldnít be fun to hang out with anyway. besides, i am your friend.

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