2003-04-22 - 10:44 p.m.
i just got home from visiting my mom for easter.
a few weeks ago she asked me what i wanted, since she still gets me easter baskets. i had been throwing the idea of going to the beach this summer, so i told her i wanted a swim suit. a plain old one piece swim suit.
she called me before i went up when she was vacationing in florida.
mom: natalie?? this is mom. guess where i am!!
me: oh, yeah?
mom: yeah, i got you your easter present!
me: did you get me a swim suit?
mom: ....maybe! ok! bye!
so i didn't bother to buy one, figuring she got one for me.
and she did. oh, she absolutely did. she got me the swim suit to end all swim suits.
its a pale lavender bikini, with light purpley glitter. the top makes my tits look like they are watermelons taped to my chest. the bottoms make my ass look like i don't even know what. not to mention, i have never worn a two-piece in my life, therefore my middle has never seen the light of day and is almost the same color as the bathing suit. it makes me look like the bloated corpse of some pole-dancer.
it is so absurd, i cant even begin to explain it to you. it is so absurd that my friend's apartment burned down, and she has to stay with me, and whenever she gets sad i run into the bathroom and put it on and dance around the living room in it and it cracks her up every time.
the best part? this is a direct quote from the tag: "THIS SUIT IS FOR SHOW & TANNING PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT TO BE WORN IN HOT TUBS, JACUZZIS, SWIMMIMG POOLS, OR ANY OTHER BODY OF WATER." so even if i wanted to, i can't wear it anywhere.